Across The Universe...

Max had speech therapy today. While he had lots to say, this exchange I want to share was especially moving to me.  I asked him if I could put it on his blog and he said, yes. He and his speech therapist, Robby, have been working on similes and hyperbole by listening to the lyrics of The Beatles.  It's no secret that Max loves music, and he's been fond of The Beatles for a while.  But it's been pretty recent that he's really been interested in the lyrics of their songs.  He has said Blackbird is a song about "people like me" and Eleanor Rigby is "spooky." So, I was looking forward to hearing what he thought of the new song Robby was introducing him to today, Across the Universe.  If you need reminding, I've linked the video of the song below.  

When they got to this verse, Max started talking with his computer. 

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
And calls me on and on across the universe

I will break it up by how he actually selected his words.  It will look like one long string in the pictures, but it happened over about ten minutes.

He said, "Who had come to take my life. period."

Robby and I both asked him to explain more of what he was saying with that sentence and he said "dead."

Hmm, okay.  Robby told him that was interesting and he could see how the song made him think of floating through the universe and that can be a way to describe death.

Then Max said, "Where Nonni? Nonni dead. Gone to the universe period."

I tried my best to not choke up and told him he was right.  Nonni (Max's Grandma, my mom) was dead and I liked that he was thinking of her in the universe.

He said, "Nonni I have a question. Can I ask you something? I feel I feel feel upset sad."

At this point I was crying.  I felt sad and upset too. Robby was great to step in and talk with Max about how it was good to talk about his feelings and how it's nice to remember the people we miss and sometimes music can help with that.

Max said, "dark forward from not to see her."

I tried again to talk and just couldn't find the words.  It has been dark going forward without her.  She was such a bright light in our lives.  It was this time of year two years ago when she came to live her last two months with us, and it seems to have hit me harder this year than it did last year with all the memories of that time.  I was just so taken aback that he noticed. That he remembered too.

Then he said, "All my life was interest."  Through my tears, I told him he was right.  She was always interested in his life. She was his biggest fan, always cheering him on.

He finished by saying, "I sad."

Throughout the whole exchange, he was never upset or crying.  He was even smiling at some points. He just wanted to talk about how he felt.  The song made him think of his Nonni, and he wanted to let us know.

He and Robby moved on to other topics and I dried my eyes as they joked around. I was amazed at how deeply he could express himself, when it so often just spills out of me as tears. Max hasn't talked about his Nonni as often lately. August will be two years since she passed away.  I am grateful that he doesn't remember her sick, and at the same time it makes my heart ache to know he misses her.

When Robby left, I asked Max if he wanted to listen to the song again and I would tell him the words. He said yes, and we listened together.  I asked him if he had any other thoughts about it and he said, "Nonni I love you."

At this point, I didn't hold my tears in for him.  I told him she loved him too, and she would be very proud of him, and was always very proud of him. And he could talk to her in the universe any time he wanted to.  

That seemed to be enough for him.  He smiled and was ready to get out of his chair.  I gave him some extra cuddles and kisses.  He's such a very special boy, with such a very special heart with lots of love for his Nonni across the universe.