It's never easy to give Max the hard-core seizure medicine. I don't think I've ever given it to him without a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.
I know it helps him. It stops the awful seizures that take over his brain and refuse to stop as much as his body wills them to.
I don't put him in danger, but I do try to avoid it as long as possible. I have to remind myself throughout the whole process of pulling up the exact dose of 1.0ml, checking it three times, mixing it with water, and administering it to Max, that it WILL help.
Then I kneel next to him, and push it in, apologizing the whole time. Apologizing because he's having the seizures. Apologizing for knocking him out. Apologizing because the seizures and the medicine make him feel so groggy in the head. Apologizing, just because it needs to be said out loud that this SUCKS and it shouldn't be this way.
He's chirping away right now, seizures have subsided, but he will drift off soon and I likely won't see him awake for a long while. Which usually would mean a quiet day, but today just adds to the apologies, because tomorrow I head off on a respite over the great blue yonder for a week. And while I'm certain his Dad-Dad will be absolutely perfect at everything he needs and wants, it still makes me feel pretty stinking rotten to be leaving him while he's hungover from seizure medicine.
It's not always sunshine and roses over here. Sometimes it's rainy days. But, as it turns out, rainy days are some of our favorites. We will cuddle, and the seizures will stop for now. And hopefully stay away for a while!
(Max and Momma out for our own special moonlight bike ride since we missed the one with the rest of the family due to his seizures)