On this day, they were doing their show from Tennessee. When I turned the radio on, I caught the beginning of the band playing and singing, "Keep On The Sunny Side". I've always enjoyed this song. Something about it reminds me of my Grandpa. Maybe he's played it before and that's where the memory comes from.
But, as I listened to the words, knowing where I was headed, back to the PICU to Max for the fourth time in a year and a half, I thought how silly it was this eternal optimism I have. Sometimes, shouldn't it be okay to be grumpy...to look on the cloudy side of life too?
I guess some people are wired that way, but I always end back up on the sunny side.
I got to thinking about this again this past weekend as I sat stewing about not getting a family vacation after-all this summer. School is in full swing, Max isn't back to his baseline, and the funds we'd set aside for our trip back to see family was used up the three weeks we were in the hospital, eating out, buying extra gas, and my not getting paid, since Max was not at home getting care...therefore, I was not providing his care at home as his CNA. Three weeks no pay, depleted vacation days for me and Steve, plus extra expenses, and a not all the way better boy, means we're notgoing anywhere.
I stewed on this for a while. I got mad. Then I got sad. Then I got back to where I always get...to the sunny side.
We aren't poor, or pitiful.
We got to bring Max home. He's relatively healthy. He has some new schedules we're dealing with, but besides that, he's doing well with no seizures and his metabolic disease under control. And he's healing nicely.
We had the extra funds saved for a trip, and aren't scraping around this month to pay bills, because that was already in place.
Life isn't always fair...but who said it's supposed to be?
We don't live in a third world country where he can't get medical attention. In fact, we live in a city with world renowned doctors treating Max. We don't have to worry about where his food, or medicine, or care comes from. He's taken care of.
We can afford gas in our car, and have transportation to get to the hospital when we need to. And a way to get back home when we need a break.
Steve and I are able to trade off on nights in the hospital because we have each other to rely on. That can't be said for so many other parents of children with medical needs like Max. I'm so thankful neither one of us has to go it alone.
Yes, I suppose if I sat and thought about all the things I could be upset about, I would always flip the coin to find the good. It's just in my nature.
Well...maybe not everything. I can't find the good in the diseases that eat at my boy. I will always hate the diseases and illness that rob us of him. No, I can't find any good in those.
But, good thing he does not equal those diseases, that's just a small part of who he is. A brilliant, happy, stinky, funny, beautiful, little guy.
See what I did there....Sunny Side.
- There's a dark and a troubled side of life;
- There's a bright and a sunny side, too;
- Tho' we meet with the darkness and strife,
- The sunny side we also may view.
- Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
- Keep on the sunny side of life;
- It will help us ev'ry day, it will brighten all the way,
- If we keep on the sunny side of life.
- Tho' the storm in its fury break today,
- Crushing hopes that we cherished so dear,
- Storm and cloud will in time pass away,
- The sun again will shine bright and clear.
- Let us greet with a song of hope each day,
- Tho' the moments be cloudy or fair;
- Let us trust in our Savior alway,
- Who keepeth everyone in His care.