It's late. Really much too late for me to be awake, morning will be here before I'm ready, but it's so quiet this time of night!
I was going through quotes tonight looking for a new one with my other blog and I came across these two.
"Accept the gift as if it were one you had chosen."
"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage."
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I keep my quotes in a google notebook to go back to when I need them. But these two, although two of my favorites, have never been used. These are "Max quotes" to me.
The first is a reminder. Accept the gift as if it were one you had chosen. I absolutely would not have chosen this life. I absolutely would not have chosen to have a child with special medical needs. I absolutely would not have chosen to stay put, rather than go where the wind takes me. I absolutely would not have chosen to have but one child. But, this is the life I was given. The gift I was given. And I know that each day is truly a gift with Max. A day that could not come tomorrow. So I accept it, and am thankful for it, and am reminded to be gracious, as if it were on the top of my list of things wanted.
The second, "Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.", is encouraging. Tonight, when I sneaked into my now 5 year old's very own room to listen to him breathe, I remember a November 4 years ago when a machine was doing the breathing for him. The cadence of that machine was the tool that taught him to breathe on his own. It gave him the rhythm that today has kept him strong and alive. And on those nights in the PICU 4 years ago, we would look at our brave son and cheer him on...keep on...keep living...and here we are. He had the courage to keep living. It would have been easier for us all to have given in. It would have been easier to admit defeat. But Max had more courage than all of us combined. He had what it took to keep living. And tonight, in his room, he takes big deep strong breaths as he listens to his opera...taking extra long inhalations with the climax of the songs. And I smile, thinking what a special life that I live. What a joy to have him.
Days can be hard...weeks at a time can be hard. But I am thankful for the quiet moments like this when I remember what a blessing he is.