It always kind of catches me by surprise how quickly I can slip into feeling at home at the hospital. Yesterday I took an hour outside of the PICU to go eat my lunch by myself in the cafeteria. Then I stepped outside for the first time in five days. When Max is in the hospital we get into this warped time we call "hospital time".
We eat when we have a moment in between waiting for doctors or tests to be run. We shower when he's sleeping. We sleep when he sleeps...unless we're watching him sleep to make sure every thing is going as it should. And I rarely leave his side. So, stepping outside for the first time in a long hospital stay always slaps me around a bit and makes me realize that this life inside the hospital is not the norm.
Although we live this life from time to time while our boy gets better, it's not normal...and it's good for me to acknowledge that.
It's almost like living at a camp site, or a truck stop sometimes in here. Sleeping, bathing, eating, where you can, and when you can. Stepping outside I filled my lungs with air, and started around the trees, on the path in front of the hospital.
I missed being home. I wanted to see my garden. I wanted to go for a bike ride with Max. I wanted to cook dinner for my family. I started feeling homesick, and could feel myself starting to let the past five days bubble up to my eyes.
So I turned back towards the hospital, and took a deep breath before I walked through the glass doors and felt the rush of artificial hospital air blow my hair back. Max needs this place, it's making him better...like they have done each time before. Home will still be there, waiting for us.
He really had a terrible night last night. It was a combination of a lot of factors, but, he's got thrush in his mouth from the antibiotics we think. His intestines are waking up, but not all at once, so he feels like he's trying to pass something and although it's not a kink the the hose, it still feels like it because his intestines are still not all working. He also had a wicked fever that he just couldn't kick, and a heart rate that got plenty of people's attention.
I slept for about two hours last night, and Steve slept for something less than that. Finally, this morning we got all our doctor ducks in a row and got some things sorted for our boy. I think he sensed Monster Momma and Monster Daddy were on it, because once we got things moving he rolled over and went to sleep for three solid hours.
His fever broke, his heart rate came down, and he slept. But, when he wakes up he is super agitated. It's still a balancing act. He is still in the PICU, and likely will be for a while. They are able to get him the things he needs right away, which is what he needs.
We're trying to catch up on sleep tonight. Hopefully Abbey can be back up with us tomorrow after a couple of rough days/nights for Max. It's always better when we can just all be together, but we're so grateful to friends who have had her stay with them through this hospital stay. Max is being quite the pesky little brother making it a habit of being in the hospital when Sissy is here for break!
Hopefully we're on the way to some calmer days. Will certainly try to keep everyone informed as we go, but sitting down to write a blog post sometimes just doesn't happen each day. Click on the "find us on facebook" box to the right to keep up on everything throughout the day, as I am updating that most frequently.
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